


Not Enough

by rhyegama



Category: Shadowhunters (TV)
Genre: Angry Magnus Bane, Depressed Alec Lightwood, Hurt Alec Lightwood, Implied/Referenced Suicide, M/M, Suicidal Thoughts
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-10-13
Updated: 2017-12-18
Packaged: 2019-01-16 18:55:02
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 9
Words: 13,465
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12348627
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/rhyegama/pseuds/rhyegama
Summary: WARNING: DO NOT read if you are currently suffering from depression, will be a dark fic.





	1. Chapter One

Isabelle's hands slipped from the tiny cold hands, and her eyes closed trying to shut all the pain out. At this point she didn't care at the way everyone was staring at her, and it wasn't until she felt Alec holding her tightly that she realized she was letting out a horrific scream. Her screaming didn’t stop until she felt him cradling her softly and her figure became like a trembling leaf in autumn. Her body screamed agony, pain and hurt. Guilt and shame overwhelmed her mind – what if she had done something differently. It was too late now, she would never know.

His chest heaved, feeling his heart stop he wasn't sure if he was even breathing. Numbness went from his hands to his head. It was like everything in his body had short-circuited and he didn’t know what the next step was. His eyes tore away from the white sheet covering the body and he forced himself to retreat into a state of nothingness. He was going to be strong.

No, it was his fault.

He knew it, he felt Maryse and Robert’s accusing glares at him. They wished he was dead, why wasn’t he dead. He was a failure. Why wasn’t he lying dead, why was it…

_Go die._

_Die._

_You fag._

_Disgraced the family name._

_You don’t deserve to live._

_Max._

_Dead._

_You._

_Max._

_Dead._

_DEAD._

He coughed feeling his chest not working, his eyes stung from lack of oxygen. Isabelle snapped out of her trance looking up wondering what was going on. She wanted directions, answers, comfort and he was failing her too. Alec desperately wanted to fix everything.

Wait, maybe he could. Raising to stand up rapidly he quickened his pace to walk over to Clary.

“OPEN A PORTAL!” He grabbed onto her shoulders fiercely.

“Alec, what the hell?” Jace shoved his Paratabai away from Clary’s stunned figure, “What the fuck are you doing?”

“I, I, I can fix this,” The hysterical eyes were unfocused losing himself to the pain that was slowly coming through, “I just need Clary to open a portal.”

Jace gritted his teeth, Alec was supposed to be the level-headed one. He was the acting Head of the Institute, so how come he wasn’t getting himself together. This wasn’t fair, his Parabatai rune was aching making him feel nauseous.

“Get out,” Jace coldly stared at Alec, “Get out and clear your head.”

“Jac- “Clary reached out to touch his shoulders.

“No,” Jace stared flatly at Alec.

He knew it, everyone knew it was his fault. He failed. Failure. What kind of brother was he?

“Alec needs to leave right now,” turning away from his brother he forced himself to hold Izzy who was no longer paying attention to anything.

He couldn’t breathe, Jace was right. His feet picked up and he ran out of the room to the one place he knew could fix everything. His phone dialed the number he knew would fix it all. The sound of the ringing went on and on never getting it to the person he needed the most. Hearing the light laughter on the phone his chest squeezed the irregular heartbeat he had.

“You’ve reach the voicemail of the High Warlock of Brooklyn, if you are NOT Alexander do not leave a message—Hey! Magnus!”

A loud beep signalled his cue, “Magnus! I need you, I-I-“ his throat dried, “It’s Max, please call me.”

Another attempt and his legs start to feel the burn and he runs his steele to activate his stamina rune.

“Magnus, please, where are you?” He’s desperately holding it together, a hollowed choking sounds from his mind, “please…please…pick up.”

It’s still another ten minutes, and he could feel the time counting down. Why wasn’t Magnus picking up? Was he okay? What if something happened to him? His head felt like icicles were driving themselves into his mind and his body was paralyzed with fear. The lean legs pushed forth, five minutes.

“Are you okay?” Another voicemail.

His hands feel no resistance as he slides the key into the apartment door and he catches the sight of his lover staring out the window, sipping on a glass of wine. Alec feels his anger surface, “Magnus are you okay? I’ve been calling you, I needed you.”

“Hmmmm…. surprise there,” Magnus turns around and gives him a look he had never seen before. The cat eyes hollowed of love or affection, “Always take and take.”

“Magn-“ Shutting down Alec feels a gust of wind kicking his gut, what was going on. His mind was jumble from all the voices and noise. A faint vibration hums along his jaws, again the numbness settles in, fogging up his sense.

“You didn’t tell me about the Soul Sword,” Putting down the glass of wine, Magnus’s cold exterior masked with hurt, “You put everyone I loved at risk.”

“Magn-“ Alec felt his jaw clenching and unclenching, he didn’t have time to waste. Magnus would understand, they would talk about it but first Max.

With a wave of a hand, Alec felt his voice disappear and his hands went to feel his throat. No, no, no he needed to talk to Magnus. His right arm reached to touch him but he felt his entire body froze at another whisk of the wrist. For the first time in his life he felt utterly powerless. Useless. Why would he listen to you? The same mind fog that had been dancing in the Institute came back, a wave of confusion and hurt rippled through his bones.

“No, you listen to me,” Magnus’s eyes stared at him as if he was trying to away all the terrible things Pandora’s box opened, “You were selfish and, and Alexander” his voice cracked and hesitation laced his eyes, “I can’t do this, I can’t choose between you and my people. Yo-you’ve, I’ve let you in, told you things that- I trusted you Alexander. I don’t want this.”

_He never wanted you._

_You were never enough._

_He thought of you as a game to conquer._

_You’re nothing._

_Murder._

_Killer._

He could feel the familiar magic that had saved him so many times before suffocating him. All the tears and screaming he wanted to let out just would not manifest itself. He wasn’t broken, he had broken a long time ago and he had forgotten that people put up with it. Magnus wouldn’t want to try to revive Max, why would he summon a demon to exchange Alec for Max’s soul. Alec was impure, he was filthy, no demon would want that exchange.

He felt his mind become clearer, the fog began to go away. He understood now, he would repent. He would be able to fix all of this.

So when Magnus told him to leave he did, no questions asked he simply walked out the door because he knew he was going to make it all better. Jace’s and Izzy’s look, his parent’s judgements, the way his fellow Shadowhunters accused him of betraying the Clave…and Magnus’s confession that he meant nothing…

He would fix it all.

And that was how he found himself standing on the Golden Bridge.

His eyes unfocused at the water roaring below and the chilly breeze. No mundane would bother him and what Downworlder would stop him. His feet stood at the edge, his ears taking in the smell of steel and the whooshing of car rushing to their destinations. Guilt and shame traveled up and down his spine, but it’d be worth it. Jace would no longer feel sick from all the internalized shit Alec felt.

He removed his jacket, neatly folded it in a hypnotic sense. Grabbing his steele, he began to draw new agony runes:

_One for Jocelyn_

_One for his family_

_One for Magnus_

_One for Max_

Activating him all at once his lips bleed from the sheer number of runes glowing at him. He placed down his bow and arrows and lastly weakly grabbed onto his steele. His weapons were almost part of him, being raised to use them with no qualms of parting with him he used every last ounce of his breath to snap the steele in two.

He was a disappointment to the Shadowhunters.

With that final thought he finally felt a tear roll down his bitter face, and he took a step off the bridge.


	2. Chapter Two

Hours had passed since Alec left and no one had moved since, unwilling to let the Silent Brothers take away Max’s body. Their parents had left to Idris to complete the final preparations, leaving the young ones to reflect on what had transpired in such a short time.

Izzy’s depressed state recoiled out of shock to stare at Jace and Clary quickly ran over to the blonde Shadowhunter concerned, “What’s going on?!”

“Alec,” Jace’s face was distorted trying to comprehend, “He’s hurt.”

Clenching onto his side, Izzy watched swallowing her panic. This was repeating itself and she couldn’t take it, shoving Clary away from his side she quickly rolled up his shirt to stare at the rune. Her hands travelled quickly to her mouth and her lips emitted squeaks.

She held onto his side as if it would change the world, “NO, HE CAN’T!”

Jace’s bleared eyes stared down on his side, gasping at the flashbacks coming back to him. The ones that he didn’t think of actively and that he took for granted. Clary stared worryingly at him and glanced back at Izzy. His body froze at the immense sorrow that flood him and than that quiet beat he always felt, however faint, disappeared in a moment.

 _Where was he?_ The flames ate up his chest and Jace’s eyes travelled down to his side. His head spun trying to rationalize the loss, and his eyes filled with tears that he hadn’t yet shed. Please, he looked down at his side again. It didn’t reappear. No. Alec would never be this selfish.

“MAGNUS,” Izzy wailed and she reached for her phone trying to contact the Warlock. When she reached voicemail her face paled and she stared at Clary.

Understanding the silent look, the agile Shadowhunter quickly drew a rune making the room glow a soft sunset. The peaceful rays almost made them forget where they were and all them raced through to find the one person who they’d knew have the answers.

The wards had long accepted their presences and Magnus sighed rolling his eyes. Of course, they’d try to come and intervene. Half tempted to shut them out, he knew he needed to close up these loose threads or else it’d come to haunt him. Unlocking his front door, he wasn’t prepared to see Jace Wayland stagger in half beaten.

“What’s got him all tied up?” Magnus snarked, he was not in the mood to play Doctor.

“Where’s Alec?” Izzy’s face streaked with tears, causing the Warlock to do a double take.

Not waiting for an answer, Izzy furiously rolled up Jace’s shirt, “The rune,” and Magnus’s eyes widen as he felt himself spiral into utter chaos.

The ache in his chest was palpable and the table his beloved cat was rest on shattered, “Alexander!” Running to his room he retrieved a gray shirt that was lying on top of a chair, chanting a quick spell he ran his fingers to try and feel anything. Feeling nothing coming back to him he pushed more power into the fabric.

He didn’t mean to. Alexander should have known that, that he’d come back to the angel. He just needed time to resolve issues on his side, why was he so stubborn.

His breath came out shakily after a minute, “I can’t feel him.”

“TRY HARDER,” Izzy screamed, she was not about to lose another, “HE CAME, HERE DIDN’T HE? WHY ISN’T HE HERE?”

“I-We,” Magnus found himself losing composure, losing himself. Refusing to cave he grabbed onto the fabric again, “Please Alexander, come back to me.”

His hands felt another warm one on top, “Take my energy.”

Clary smiled bitterly, being an outsider gave her an advantage. She suspected what had happened and knew this was going to be a breaking point on many fronts for everyone. The Lightwood siblings were momentarily blinded by their emotions to uncouth what transpired here. Magnus’s eyes shone apologetically but she shook her head. This was a conversation that couldn’t be solved in silent gestures.

“Alexander,” A tired breath let out and he quickly created a portal to where he located him.

“Where is he?” Jace finally spoke, despite everyone’s efforts he knew the reality of Alec’s outcomes. His blue eye spotted the missing piece of the puzzle lying in the innocent breeze.

Everyone’s steps slowed and they didn’t dare speak a word, hoping that somehow it wasn’t what they had suspected. A strong gust of wind pushed the broken steele closer to the edge and Magnus’s legs sprinted to catch the ancient weapon.

Hitting the edge of the bridge, his palms hit the steel and the smell at blood sunk into his nose as he stared down at the waters, “No.”

His eyes flickered back and forth stared at the darkness with such intensity, “Alexander?” The smell of water brought him unwanted memories and his body shook with fear, “Alexander?”

“His shoes,” Izzy took away the large black worn shoes, “his jacket, Magnus, Jace we have to find him quickly. He’s going to be cold without these. Oh no, his bow and arrows…what if there are demons.”

“ISABELLE,” Jace lost it, he couldn’t keep up this façade, “Alec is dead, I don’t feel him. He jumped off the bridge.”

“No,” Izzy stood her ground, trembling at the direct words, “This has happened before and you came back to life. We-we just need,” She stared at Clary, “How do we bring him back, we need to raise the angel.”

“Izzy, we can’t…” Clary felt an enormous wave of burden on her shoulders.

“You SELFISH BITCH,” Izzy found herself screaming at the collected red-head, “SO what Alec isn’t worth it?”

“Isabelle,” Magnus’s eyes tore away from the waters, “It’s my fault. I broke up with him, I didn’t realize…”

“YOU WHAT?” Izzy’s anger wasn’t backing down, “AFTER MAX DIED, YOU DECIDED TO BREAK UP?”

“Max died?” his fingers twitched. He didn’t want to hear the excuses he assumed Alexander would try to offer so he magicked away his voice and body movements, blocking him out. He assumed that Alexander had shown up to his door in a hurry to beg for forgiveness for not telling him the truth about the Soul Sword. The gravity of his offence fell harshly.

“I told him to get out,” He was half-empty, he paid the ultimate price.

Izzy’s anger wasn’t going to dissolve as it was the only thing keep her sorrow at bay, “You contact all the Merfolk you know to find him. Do not speak to any of us until you do.”

With that her boots clicked against the sidewalk and her whip snaked away from her wrist. Magnus shut his eyes waiting for the strike, he had already given up and accepted that he was the reason for Alexander’s…

No, he couldn’t give up.

The vibrations of the whip snapping in the air was felt and everyone stared at the harsh mark on the steel, “I’m keeping his stuff until he comes back.”

Magnus’s jaws tightened and he held tightly onto the broken steele, “I need this to track him.”

Casting one more resentful look Izzy walked away from the Warlock. Jace’s eyes slowly entered into a faraway look and he didn’t say anymore. Waiting till they were out of ear shot, Clary walked up to the once beloved Warlock and gave him a hug, “It’ll be okay, just…take care of yourself first okay.”

With that last thought, Magnus was left picking up the pieces he had trampled on. His ringed hands held tightly onto the gray shirt and he brought it up to his nose, letting the scent of sandalwood fill his nose. For a moment his thoughts went back to the last happy memory he and Alexander had.

_“I love you,” Eyes shone and crinkled in utter bliss, “You know, that right?”_

_“I’m charming I know,” Magnus scoffed but gently kissed the younger man’s temples, “I love you too.”_

_“No seriously,” Propping his one shoulder up, he crawled to rest his face in the nook of his neck, “You have my life Magnus Bane in your hands.” A soft inhale and a shallow warm breath tickled him, “I’d give my life for you.”_

_“Don’t say that,” A nervous look appeared on his face, good thing Alexander wasn’t looking up, absently he played with the curled hair._

_Sensing a change in the mood, he withdrew himself from the comfort and stared at his lover’s face, “You are my first and last, I don’t mean that in a cheesy way. I don’t think I could ever meet someone again that has made me go against everything I thought was right. I found myself because of you.”_

_His mouth opened and closed, and he hummed, “Aren’t you a hopeless romantic?”_

_“I learn,” a gentle moan rolled out of the Shadowhunter as Magnus covered his neck in soft kisses._

_“From the best Darling,” The hazed look of want passed through their eyes._

Magnus couldn’t help but feel guilt at the betrayal Alexander had done, “If you loved me, you wouldn’t have done this.”

****

“Where art thou go,” Alexander felt the last agony rune on himself, “I’ll go.” His mind was no longer making sense of what was false and what was reality. He was delirious from the number of runes scattered around his body.

“I love you,” His voice came out broken and drunk, “I’ll prove it to you.”

They say that when you’re at your last moments of death, you get an onset of flashbacks of memories that defined you. Alexander was quick to realize that nothing had defined him, his resolve to hold onto himself was next to nothing, but the only thing that flashed in his mind before the current swept him under was the glowing cat eyes.

_Oh pretty, pretty cat eyes, I hope I made you happy. I hope that you weren’t ashamed of me when I was ashamed of myself. I hope you continue to build empires the way you built me up. I hope you don’t think I didn’t keep my promises. I hope you forget me._

_I’m sorry I couldn’t protect you._


	3. Chapter Three

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Short chapter but I wanted to include this before working on the next, because from this point forward it's not going to be pleasant and slightly deviate from the show (but not too much? sorta)

Magnus didn’t want to repair the steele, instead he found a wooden box to put the broken weapon in. Chairman Meow sensed the missing presence and wandered around Magnus, circling his leg giving him a questioning look. His hands still holding onto the box for comfort; he gradually placed it next to the other weapon taking away the second person he would have loved equally as much as Alexander but he would never know. He couldn’t see his reflection against the dark dagger but he could sense it mocking him.

                He knew he took out his anger on Alexander many times but he just always knew the Shadowhunter would be there at the end to catch him. It wasn’t like his anger wasn’t unwarranted but…how much of their time did he throw away spending it on fighting.

                The time about the Wedding.

                The time about him and Jace.

                All the times he felt betrayed at Alexander for choosing his duty over him.

                He knew it was useless at this point to be ruminating about what he should’ve done.

                The silences and the missed apologies they didn’t, no he hadn’t said. He sunken into the couch and found his thoughts interrupted by the door knocking. Great.

                “Magnus!” The Warlock covered his face into his palms, he was not ready to throw a closure party and bury this under. He wanted to muddle in his sadness and regret, the guilt and shame. Of course, having immortal friends meant that they would be on his back.

                The steps made their way to the shaken-up Warlock, he couldn’t muster the strength to pretend he was fine. He leaned into the warm embrace the arms offered and he took a deep sigh.

                “We’ll find him,” Lucian broke away, nodding firmly as Magnus met his eyes.

                “Thank you,” Magnus airily spoke but it came out as a cracked voice.

                “Dios…” Raphael’s eyes hooded at what he had heard from Lucian when Clary briefly told him what happened.   _He’ll blame himself, take care of him_. If he could raise the Lightwood he would give his old friend the option, that was if there was any hope left. He and Lucian exchanged a look, how were they going to save him from this.

                Sick of the crowding from his friends, despite their best intentions Magnus knew he needed to get to work, “Keep an eye out for his b-body,” his voice echoed, “I” He realized than and there he ran away again. He ran straight home and he hadn’t faced the problem head on, hell he didn’t even attempt to scourge the river for his body. At least Alexander would’ve, he would’ve…

                “I need to go,” Grabbing his trench coat, Magnus’s eyes shone with determination. Again, silence stares exchanged, they’d keep an eye out for their dear friend but he needed to commit to this search if he was ever going to find closure again.

                Carelessly throwing up a portal he stumbled through, exhausted at how much magic was used his steps sauntered back to the place he’d never pass by looking the same again. Lucian called his pack to swat the area for a missing person, calling in boats to go through the river, while Raphael took to the lower parts hoping to see where the current may have carried him.

                “Where is the body,” Magnus’s voice fell flat, staring at the scaled-creature looking curiously at the Warlock, “A Shadowhunter went down here, black hair and blue eyes.”

                “I sense your love for this one,” Speaking in riddles, the Merman didn’t answer his questions, “I do not have the answer.”

                “Find someone who does, or I will burn up this river looking for him,” Magnus spoke flatly, violently letting his magic cut down across the riverbank, causing the water to temporarily dry up.

                Panic settled on his face, “He’s no longer in the river.”

                “He’s alive?” A spark of hope came.        

                Shaking his head sadly he did not know how to break the news without causing the destruction of his people, “Please spare our children, he was taken out of the river.”

                “By who?” Magnus spat, who would desecrate his lover’s body, “Tell me now or I will make sure everything dies in this forsaken water.”

                “The one who is Valentine’s child,” He whispered scared as if the villain would appear any moment, “The one who came out of Edom. I do not know of his name.”

                “SEBASTIAN!” Magnus screamed, _he was going to wring the body and turn it inside out when he found the devil._ How dare he go after Alexander. The merman quickly left scared of the wrath from the uncontrolled Warlock.

                “MAGNUS!” Catarina catapulted towards Magnus, attempting to use her magic to calm down the grieving Warlock, “Alec wouldn’t want this, stop it.” Her voice cut clear through the noise his ears refused to give in to. He stopped, he hadn’t said Alexander’s name since he came home.

                She held him reassuringly, letting the man crumple into her shoulders, they’d be there for him.

                “We’ll find him.”

****

                Sebastian carried the body, lugging it to where he wanted it to go. This is going to be an interesting turn of events. His smile crossed and he found himself having a hard time keeping his teeth from showing. He’d show Valentine, he could do better.


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Caution: Mentions of non-con.

               “Father,” Sebastian closed the door and watch his biological father struggle against the restrains, “I’m back.”

           The British man gently and carefully placed freezing wet body seated on the chair to face his father. After all this is going to be an important moment and he needed to make sure they met. Tradition was tradition. He wasn’t about to skip introductions because a war was looming. He was a gentleman and a man of honour. Valentine’s eyes widen a fraction staring at the dead Lightwood boy slumped on the chair.

           “Now I want this to be a civilized meeting,” Sebastian lectured, peeling off the tape, “So I want to make sure he gets acquainted with you first.”

           “You killed Maryse and Robert’s son?” Valentine’s question hung in the air.

           Sighing a slightly stressed pitch, he rubbed his temple as if speaking to a child, “No Father, this one was not intended. The little one though…”

           Valentine’s eyes changed a shade, he was a cruel man by all accounts but harming a child Shadowhunter was not on his priority list.

           “…he just wouldn’t stop snooping around, so I did what I had to!” Sebastian covered a blanket around Alec, lightly stroking the pale cheeks, “But Alexander, he wasn’t part of the plan, mind you me and him had quite a tussle and fun while I was at the Institute.”

           A disgusted grunt emitted from Valentine, “You laid your hands on the faggot?”

           The question was immediately followed by a snapping sound as Sebastian smacked his father, “The faggot you’re referring to was quite lovely in bed and you better get used to him in this short time. He’s going to be my partner.” The devilish eyes lit up at the thought of being with his lover, god forbid Alec went running back to that dreaded Warlock.

           “He’s dead,” Valentine spat at his abomination of a son, “What are you going to do with a dead Shadowhunter.” He didn’t need to second guess the diagnosis the runes on the body were fading one by one going from the solid gray to a darken gray and than to a white line that faded to nothingness. The only rune that would remain on the body was the first rune he’d receive as a Shadowhunter.

“I’m so glad you’re worried about his health!” Sebastian clapped his hands together in joy, he leaned in to kiss the Fortitude rune that was slowly fading on the triceps, “He wasn’t well loved by everyone and look at what he did to himself, I’m going to bring him back.”

“By the angel…” Valentine gritted his teeth, he was torn between disgust and slight awe at the way his son was behaving. He should’ve took the first chance he had to send the demon back to Edom. Sebastian shot him an accusing look as if he could feel the thoughts he had. Choosing his words carefully, “Family comes first Jonathan, this Shadowhunter I’ll accept him.”

A small smile broke onto Sebastian’s cold face, “I’m glad because you’re going to help me bring him back. I’m going to bring back his soul.”

Reaching for new tape he secured it around his Father, double checking that the circle was as he has left it. Nodding at the accuracy of the circle, he worked on getting the circle on Alexander’s chair done correctly. Reaching in the other side for souls was a tough choice and required a lot of work, but thank goodness he had connections on the other side. Guess it was worth being sent to Hell after all. Sensing that the turn of events wasn’t going his way Valentine attempted to escape but his efforts were cut short by a knife now sticking out on the side of his leg.

“Mmmmmmm,” Sebastian inhaled the little scent left on the Lightwood boy, even if the Shadowhunter didn’t remember all the good times they had together, he’d be the one to rebuild what they had. You see dear ole’ Father didn’t have everything pat down. Getting the Mortal Instruments were imperative but seeing the way Alexander was so determined to protect everyone dear to him despite getting shut down by everyone he loved and getting betrayed the Lightwood still persisted made him tick and wonder. And now? He cracked and it was beautiful.

He wanted Alec’s undying loyalty, his fierceness to jump into the flames of the fire to do what he needed to protect those he wanted. That was going to change and Sebastian would make sure of it. From all the intel he gathered and observed, there was only one conclusion -- they were perfect for each other! He knew exactly how Alexander felt, they were really two-sides of the same coin, really. The want to please your loved ones but getting betrayed over and over again.

His mouth slightly slid open and he found himself thinking back to all the times he and Alexander would share those intimate moments together.

***Warning***

_Sebastian stood outside the sturdy wooden door, all cameras were disabled, running an empty loop and no one would know what crime he was going to commit. After all who could blame him, the older Lightwood was a silver platter meal that needed to be enjoyed. That High Warlock of Brooklyn didn’t know how much the Lightwood had suffered silently. All those times Bane walked away, he could see Alexander’s resolve fall down slowly. It was going to be more than okay, Sebastian was here to put back the mess made._

_Opening the door with the master key he copied, Sebastian allowed the door to open slightly and he peered hungrily inside. A soft snore came from the sheets and he stood for only a minute before closing the door to let his eyes enjoy the half naked body. A shift in the bed and Alexander’s eyes fluttered at the disturbing dream, his finger clenched onto the blanket._

_The tiny jar hosting the dead sparrow appeared from the side of Sebastian’s hand and as he opened the jar, a tiny black wisp emerged from the broken creature and made its way to the intended victim. Alexander’s furrowed eyebrows curled into confusion but just as he was about to awaken the wisp crawled into his mouth. A sharp inhale and Alexander coughed trying to expel whatever inhibited his body._

_Shooting up awake, the panicking Shadowhunter clawed at his throat staring at another_ _set of eyes that mocked his state, “What are you doing here Sebastian?”_

_“My dear love,” Alexander tried to lift his hands to shove the man away but quickly realized his body wasn’t listening to him._

_He struggled to get his face away from the hands how clutching onto his neck and cheek, “Get away from me.” Alexander cried out in surprise as his head was forced back into the pillows with his hands pinned against the headrest of the bed._

_“Don’t worry, you’re mine to use from now on. You might as well enjoy this too.” He clutched onto the hem of the Shadowhunter’s pants and dragged it down, letting the fabric graze against his legs. A soft moan he couldn’t hold back came out as he watched the way Alec choked and starred in a mixture of fear and embarrassment, “Well about time you made yourself host in this delightful body.”_

_“He was quite stubborn, but don’t worry Sir I’ve made traces in his mind,” Alec spoke in a hazy of lust, the resistance in his eyes faded, “His mind and body is for your use, I’ll clean up after you’re done.”_

_Sebastian smiled wickedly feeling his cock harden, it was already dabbing with a pool of pre-cum threatening to spill but was quickly dried up by the cotton in his pants. Pushing a finger into Alec’s mouth he groaned as the Lightwood boy eagerly sucked onto, slowly entering into a submissive state of pleasure. He couldn’t wait to see the boy panting and begging for his cock, forgetting that he was intimately involved with another._

_Sebastian’s mind had begun twisting the truth, it was Lightwood’s fault. The poor thing was so sex-depraved he needed another cock to please him. The cheating slutty boy was asking for it, no one could remain that innocent. Hell was he even a virgin? Taking the wet fingers away from his mouth, another whiny moan rolled out of him._

_Wasting no time, Sebastian stuck a finger into Alec’s ass watching the way his mouth hung open panting at the invasion, “Ugh, no moree…” Frowning Sebastian didn’t find the answer to his liking._

_Wiggling another finger in, Sebastian hissed at the tight asshole gripping onto his fingers and that was when he realized something unpleasant, going from an initial surprise to a slight annoyance, “Carrying around that filthy Warlock’s creampie, while you work? Alexaander, you pretend to be an inexperienced little boy but all this time you were a dirty fuck? Mmmmmmm.”_

_No matter, he’d make sure Lightwood would be overcame with pleasure in a minute. Andd there it was - striking a tight spot, with his fingers Alec’s body thrusted in the air, desperate to get some friction. He didn’t want this, but he couldn’t control his body. A fiery pit was burning in his stomach and all he wanted was the sweet release. A small spark of guilt and shame crossed his mind but it was like someone had placed an arrow across what was dangerous and made him believe that he deserved this._

_He was so confused but it felt amazing. He didn’t care that someone was working their way in taking away his pride in carrying his reward from barebacking with Magnus. MAGNUS! A moment of clarity shot through the mist, “please stop this,” between the moans Alec struggled, while finding himself grinding harder on the fingers._

_Sebastian growled at the words but chose to speed up the pace, Alexander was wrong. Replacing his fingers, he angled himself and began replacing the cold sperm lying around the boy’s prostate. Whimpering, Alexander clenched onto the sheets feeling the right spot be abused relentless. His cock leaked a string of cum, twitching at the empty air._

_Shots of pain radiated from his anus and balls and he shouted a nonsensical series of words, letting the cum shot on his stomach, “NO NO, please don’t! I’m sorry, please, please I don’t want this.” Gasping, he felt Sebastian empty himself deep into him, the warm liquid leaked out covering the redden entrance._

_“Oh Alexander,” Sebastian purred in dominance, “You made a messy pool on yourself without me touching you, good slut. We both you know you loved me doing that to you, say all you want but you were a complete bitch when I thrusted my cock in your dirty hole.”_

_Alexander frozen, paralyzed. His sense of judgment re-directing itself with the servant demon dancing around his mind. Sebastian was right, he was overcome with lust for the other cock and fingers that loosen him. I, I...letting a begging whine, Alec felt Sebastian grab onto his head letting his tongue brush against the sore lips from biting. Slowly the hands found themselves resting on the runed hips and the hands grabbed onto a sensitive spot causing Alec to arch his back._

_“Please fuck me again,” Alec held tightly onto Sebastian shirt, mouth open drooling at him._

_13 Times._

_The number of times he claimed Alec’s body into submission without his knowledge._

***Warning End***

“Good-bye Father!” Sebastian wiped a fake tear away, “Please tell everyone in Edom I said hi.”

And with that, this was a beginning of pain, loss and revenge.


	5. Chapter 5

Magnus stared at the palms of his hands, his khol eyes watching the tip of his fingers ravel and unravel at the thought of what happened. Catarina steadied him slowly into the couch making sure that he didn't forget to focus his breathing. Working with trauma patients gave her insights to panic attacks. Magnus was shaking, not because of fear but because of the anger he had, at himself, Sebastian and just about everyone he could get possibly angry at.   

Last thing Brooklyn needed right now was a hurricane. His hands rubbed the cat anxious to cheer him up, looking dismayed at what little resolution he had. How was he suppose to track Sebastian, when his mind couldn't deal with it?

Gently cooing him out of thoughts, Catarina spoke up, "Magnus, I know you're hurting but you have to talk to me."

Grinding his teeth Magnus looked irritated, despite knowing that his best friend was only looking out for him, "You don't understand, Ale-he meant more to me then anyone I've met, and the way we parted..." covering his face onto his palms, he felt the pressure on his eyes giving him a small amount of relief, "it wasn't fair." 

Patting his back Catarina couldn't find it in herself to say the right words, "Oh Magnus..."

Sighing loudly he knew he couldn't just sit here and feel frustrated every time a setback happened, "Let's get moving." 

Of course as timing would have it, a firm knocking came by his door. Sitting back down in a huff, he flicked his wrist to let the person in. 

"This is all my fault!"  
  
Magnus looked mildly surprised at the person, "Isabelle, this isn't your fault." Although a small part of him did blame her. 

Tears running down her face, she sniffed at the remark. After all she had screamed at the warlock, he didn't hold it against her that she was the one who let the monster into their lives, "Don't say that Magnus, we both know it's true." 

Another shuffle of feet running indicated another person had been trying to chase Isabelle down, "Oh great."

"Sorry Magnus," Raphael looked oddly not confident in his strides, "She was keeping tabs and found out." 

"It's fine, I was going to tell her myself." 

Raphael had a nervous tick that Magnus could read from miles away, perhaps a benefit from knowing each other for a very long time.

"What else are you hiding Raphael?" He was not in the mood for delaying the search now that he had voiced part of the hurt he had been holding in. 

The vampire looked more worried then scared at the tone, "We've been hearing whispers while searching for Lightwood that, erm" his figure tersley put together, "the Verlac was dabbling in the black market. A vampire recognized the smell of his blood when we got a sample from Fairchild." 

"And?" 

"Several weeks ago he got his hands on transvolans et passer daemonium." 

Magnus' body shook hard while Isabelle looked on with confusion and Catarina looked horrified. Raphael felt a knot in his stomach, even upon his worst enemy he would never use that on them. Sure he compelled people when he needed to in order to shield the mundane from knowledge of his people but to use transvolans et passer daemonium was a low he could never commit it. 

"We've interrogated the person but they don't know who got their hands on it. He just saw Sebastian stake the seller and he quickly ran off after."

"Are you sure?" A deadly quiet confirm his thoughts and he quickly made a portal, stepping throught it. Happening too quickly neither person could grab onto the heartbroken Warlock. 

A few seconds passed a Magnus loud voice echoed in the room, with a letter rippling from flames, "Let it be known that Magnus Bane has taken an idefinite leave and in his place he has surrended his position to Catarina Loss." 

"Jesus Christ," the female warlock groaned in panic and annoyance "Mothet fu-" 

"What did Sebastian buy off the market?" The younger Lightwood found herself confused and concerned at the change of events.  She was still angry but her guilt overpowered. 

"You should sit down for this," Catarina found herself loweriffng another distraught body onto the leather couch. 

Raphael looked at Isabelle concerned and sat down in a separate couch, before getting up and figuring that finding Magnus was priority. That was when Catarina slowly and carefully explained that the item was a rarity and taboo -- parting with it brought about bad luck to the giver but fortune for their next generation. It was used by to qualm and break the will of a person turning them into a submissive slave. It was typically utilized to destroy royals by having the king or queen appear as if they were cheating with the enemy family, when actually they had no memory of the manner. It also caused serious mental health issues, including self doubt and sucide ideation, eventually leading to the deed.

It was nearly undetectable unless the person possessed recalled the memories or commited the ultimate act, then in which case non-mundaes could see a small sparrow tattooed on the right hip. 

"But there's been no recorded history of it being used on a shadowhunter." 

Isabelle stilled her body, "I killed Alec," holding her hands open as if there was blood, "I was blaming Magnus but this was all me."

"No," Firmly clasping her had onto of Isabelle's shaking one, "There's only one person at fault, and its the one who harmed you and Alec." 

"I know but I..." Her eyes watered but nothing ran down, "I need my Big Brother."

Catarina pulled the girl into a hug and closed her eyes to feel the sobs shuddering through. 

Where did Magnus go? 


	6. Chapter Six

Sebastian strolled into the room opening the blinds. The clicking of the curtains was nothing compared to the frosty cold that went pass the windows, only to halt if you were standing a few feet away from the light going in. He really didn't expect to become so enamored by the Lightwood boy but something about him just caused him to want to take him away and make sure no one ever saw him again. It was endearing, really. The poor boy was under so much pressure without anyone to rely on.

Yet, there was this sense of emptiness now. It was like he had captured the greatest prize and now he didn't know what to do with it. Drumming his fingers against the puffed up windows, he drew a small smiley face. He could imagine now the looks of horror when they couldn't find the body. A quiet moan entered the room and he turned around to face the body slowly waking up from his long slumber. 

"Where am I?" A low moan of pain surfaced and he saw Alec holding onto his forehead. 

 _Poor thing, I'll make sure you get better this time_. He watched the former shadowhunter carefully, seeing if there was anything that would spark his interventions. After all he didn't want their first meeting to be a rough one. 

Alec slowly moves his hands from his forehead to the front of his eyes, pushing down on it. The dark spots dances in his vision and it took awhile before he finally got a good picture of where he was. His eyes darted around the cozy house, before landing itself on the blonde haired man watching him in concern. His eyebrows furled into confusion trying to recall where he knew the man but drew up blank. His gaze didn't leave the man, he wasn't sure was friend or foe, but by the looks of the room and the way the man appeared worried he could only assume that the man was either very friendly or they knew each other. 

Biting his lips he felt his dry lips moisten, "Can I have water?" His voice cracked. 

"Of course Alexander," Strolling over to the side of a wooden desk, he took the water jug pouring it into a smaller glass. 

"Thanks," Alec shifted his gaze. At least he knew his name now. 

"How long have I've been out for?" He questioned and was met with the man now looking at him with the utmost concern, eyes watering. 

The next few movements happened too fast and his water glass rolled against the sheets. Shuddering at the cold water drenching itself through the sheets to his inner thighs, Alec's face turned a dark shade of red. His neck was held tightly by the unknown man and his lips were covered by the other man's lips. His head didn't move away. The way the lips moved didn't spark a moment of recognition just a sense of confusion. Were they dating?   
  
Noticing the lack of response, Sebastian pulled back cradling Alexander's face his eyes wiped of concern just a look of curiosity, "Do you remember me?" 

Alexander's breathe labored, not prepared for the directness of the question. His lips drew a thin line and he clenched onto his blankets.

"Oh Alexander" Sebastian crawled onto the sheets, now holding onto Alec's shaking body, "I thought I was going to lose you, those damn Shadowhunters and their crazy agenda. I can't believe they almost took you from me." 

"W-what do you mean?" Alec's breathing was slowly coming to a normal pace. He hadn't lost everything. He knew of the Shadow World and its inhabitants, but he was a mundane...how did he know these things? Shaking his head, he tried to find it in himself to ignore the missing pieces that continued to give him a headache. His gaze met Sebastian's and that was when he knew he was ready to hear whatever it was, that he was missing. 

Alec found himself relaxing into Sebastian's light caresses as he spoke of what he knew of Alec's past. The repetitive movement running through his hair caused his body to fall lax and his ears stopped ringing. His heart and mind felt as if it was coming to anchor itself home. His hands held tightly onto Sebastian's shirt as if letting go would mean he'd forget everything again. And he didn't like that, to go into the world unaware, not knowing. But the assault on his chest wouldn't stop. 

Finding out the extent his family had went to to oust him from the Shadowhunter circle and then coming back to him because they wanted to manipulate him into doing their dirty work, just felt like a hammer that kept hitting his heart when he couldn't remember how he felt about them. Deep down although he had forgotten everything about them, hearing a sad, dirty history like that was still painful. He couldn't find it in himself to be sad enough to have tears nor the anger to smash the bed frame. 

He was exhausted and all he wanted was to start anew. His past was something he could acknowledge now but he didn't want it to define him. Half of him was tempted to curl into the bed and not get up and the other half just wander into the forest and be on his own. His eyelids found themselves half closed, perhaps having his family strip him of his runes was finally taking its toll on him. Letting a final tired groan, he let loose all the tension in his shoulders and rolled them back into Sebastian's chest. 

"Can I stay here?" Alec whispered softly, unaware that Sebastian could hear him voicing his thoughts out loud. 

The simple question sparked a sense of possessiveness and authority the listener could feel coursing through his nerves. He held Alec a little closer, nuzzling himself into the faint scent the sleeping man had. Lifting his shirt off, he pulled the sleeping man closer and allowed his hands to wander, lifting the shirt ever so slightly. Glancing down he smiled faintly at the small sparrow tattoo that held a new meaning for Alec. 

************

"FUCK, FUCK, FUCK." Magnus screamed as he blasted wave after wave of magic at the endless ocean. Breathing hard his cat eyes shone with utmost hate and anger, a chortled sigh embraced the mist that seemed to manifest as the water heated up from the amount of magic attack it. Waving his fingers the mist faded almost immediately and he fell back onto the sand. Taking a handful of sand he let it run through his hands, like how he let Alexander run away from him.  

Another snap and he found a familiar book appear on his hands. Flipping rapidly through it, he knew he shouldn't be acting when his emotions were so high but he couldn't help but want to do anything, just something. What kind of boyfriend was he, no what kind of boyfriend that was the High Warlock of Brooklyn not notice that his partner was being sexually abused. Placing the book beside him, he took a quick break. 

He was alone on his island, letting out his anger, abandoning his duties all because of one measly weasel that no one could find. Just. Fucking. Great. The tears from all these stirring emotions, prickled on his eyes and he used his sleeves to wipe them away. Forgetting that he was on the beach, he felt the sand prickling against his eyes and blinked even harder, before magicking it away. It was times like these that he remembered the consequences of his immortality. However much he loved, it would never be enough. He was so comfortable with being with Alexander that he had taken for granted the small time they had together. Yet that was the ruckus and tussle all relationships had, nothing beautiful was easily built. 

Alexander was beautiful, because despite their different views he was one to always do the worst because of love. Because despite how much it hurt him, he would take on the burden of the world if he had to, to keep everyone safe. For someone to destroy that within Alexander, pained him in a way that being in love could only tell you. To take the body of the man he love and remove everything that was good, was the ultimate fuck you. 

"Father." Magnus spoke, devoid of emotion. "I need your help." 

Whisking his book back into its safe, he was ready to behead whoever stood in his way. 

"About time you asked." A light smirk on his father's face, gave him an inkling, "What deal shall we strike?"  

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Fillerish, setting up for next chapter.


	7. Chapter Seven

"Weren't you upset?" Alec asked, he sat on the bar stool anxiously tightening his hand clasp. 

"I was..." he slide the eggs onto a white plate, "but I knew you and for you to act that distant just didn't make sense. The warlock had to have had some role." 

Alec didn't reply. In the past couple weeks he found himself lost in thought. Most of which involved self hatred and regret for letting a hired Warlock charm him. It was becoming easier to conclude that his parents were willing to use any method to control him. He was just trying to fill in the gap of WHY. 

What made him so special? 

What was it that his family was obsessed with? 

And why did his siblings dislike him because he was gay? 

The china plate rattled on the counter top and that was another sign. Alec was getting to get ansty from the constant location changes Sebastian was doing to avoid Alec from being captured. It seemed like their enemy warlock was getting closer each time. 

When the spelled house finished moving Alec looked out the window to see a set of trees different from what they last saw. 

"I'm sorry." Alec spoke aloud, he felt like a burden. 

Looking up he saw eggs dangling from the fork Sebastian held to his face, with eyes looking intently trying to search for something. Sighing Sebastian placed the food down and sat next to Alec, giving him a light kiss on the forehead. 

"There's something I haven't told you." This made Alex look up. 

"I...I'm the one at fault." The blonde bit his lips, staring at the confusioned eyes, "I have demon blood in me and your family hated that we were together, so that's why they hired the warlock to take you away from me. It's my fault you..." his voice cracked and his eyes watered, "I love you Alexander." 

A breathe hitched and Alec's chest stirred, but it didn't make sense. Didn't warlocks also have demon blood? 

As if reading his thoughts, "Their plan backfired and the warlock just wanted revenge so he took it out on you, that tattoo...I-I lost you, I had no idea he was taking advantage of you. Oh Alexander, you never deserved anything of that." Sebastian explained the demon the warlock had used on him. 

Alec covered his mouth, feeling sick. 

"I only realized when I saw that sparrow on your stomach." 

His mind was eerily calm but hearing how his body was taken advantage of made him rush to the bathroom. His hands tugged on the tap and he sat in the bathtub letting the cold water blitz against his shivering skin. He felt so dirty and used. A thought made him pause as he was scrubbing his arms. The redness burned but gave him a chance to sort his thoughts. He lifted his soaked grey shirt to look at the small tattoo anchored on his side. 

As calmly as he could he tried to map out what transpired in the couple weeks. Yes he felt safe with Sebastian, and he was protecting Alec from all the bad in the world but a part of him was going crazy from being kept so long in the house. There were a lot of rooms in the home for him to go relax and work out but it felt like he was some piece in the Art Museum. It began when he stood near the window and he tried to open it, the room was feeling stuffy. But Sebastian quickly walked over and held onto Alec's hand, gently kissing his neck, reminding him that spellbound house was strongly tied to Alec's presence and him opening windows and doors would weaken the spell. 

So he was left staring at the outside, slowly forgetting what it felt like to walk on gravel and what the wind felt like on your face. He felt like he living two lives in one body - half of him wanted to stay within this comfortable house him and Sebastian had somehow built in these short weeks but the other half of him was tiptoeing around gently reminding him that this was wrong. A life trapped in four walls was not a life at all. 

"I'm going crazy," Alec curled his knees into his chest, taking a deep breath in and out. 

"No you're not." A soft voice whispered and he saw Sebastian turning off the tap, wrapping a towel around him, "You're acting perfectly normal for someone whose had to uproot his life." 

Alec leaned against the tiled wall, staring at the small droplets leaking out of the tap, "How can you still love me?" 

"How can I not?" He crawled into the wet bathtub, knocking Alec's chin up so he was looking into those baby blue eyes. "You may not remember who you are but I do. You are my family Alexander." 

Leaning in Sebastian's lips met his chilled ones, as if begging for him to let him into his thoughts. He raised his hands, working the buttons off the older man, there was no question that there was a depth of love the British had for Alexander. It was sometimes to the point where it was undeserving, almost frightening. He felt guilty, however, the only thing he could offer the man was his body. He rolled back and groaned, feeling his shirt taken off. The fingers brushed against his chest and he whimpered as the man kneed his pants, palming him, teasing him. 

His hips sunk into the towel, eyes closed a thin line of sweat was building at the bottom half of his body. Teeth gazing his sensitive neck he moaned, pushing his head deeper into the crook of Sebastian's neck, putting himself at the mercy of the man, "Take me." 

Answering the command, he found himself holding onto the rigid body. Peppering the protective man, Alec's mind was running in a million directions. While they had done this a dozen times, a pit of discomfort always formed before the act. Mentally shaking his head, he knew he shouldn't be thinking like that. Go out there and die or worse become someone's puppet. Who was he to doubt their current situation? 

"Hey, hey." Alec's thinking must've caught Sebastian's eyes, he misinterpreted. "I'll keep you safe." 

Smiling weakly, he nodded taking off the reminder of his clothes, sharply inhaling at the attack on his throat. Sebastian wasn't kidding when he said he knew all of Alexander's kinks. Eyelids hooded, he felt the lube pushing itself into his tight hole. 

"Good Boy." He purred, watching Alec's hip unconsciously rock deeper into the fingers. "That's right, loosen that hole for me." 

Alec's mouth hung slightly open, gasping at the way his prostate was touched. A light blush dusted his cheeks at the way Sebastian spoke, "Murrrpphhh."

"Oh darling." Those two words brought Alec out of his trance and a familiar shiver went to his spine.

It was like a bucket of ice threw up on his head and he crawled to the head of the bed, "What did you say?"

Wiping the excessive lube on the blankets, Sebastian tilted his face slightly with a smile - looking coy. 

Coy.

Coy.

_I'm not being cryptic. I'm being coy._

"Cryptic?" Alexander spoke out loud. "Are you being cryptic?" 

Sebastian shuffled closer to him, curving his neck. "Cryptic about what?" 

Puzzled Alec shook his head, dismissing the thought. "I'm not sure." 

"Did you remember something?" A harden look passed his eyes, followed by a look of worry. "I wouldn't want you to remember something unpleasant."

"It was nothing." Alec spoke quickly, shutting down the thought, Sebastian looked predatory for a moment. 

"Good." Nodding his head, they continued. 

******

With Sebastian fast asleep, Alec limped to the washroom. He wasn't usually this rough but he supposed the man wanted to make sure he was well-loved and cared for. Rubbing his sore wrist he hissed at the burn he was feeling. Draining the discomfort he felt at his lower half he sighed. Tugging on a shirt and pants, he tiptoed out of the bathroom, walking past the bed where he was sleeping. 

His hand held tightly onto the railing and he felt his hips scream with each step he took down the stairs. Making his way to the kitchen, he found his thoughts coming back. Those words he remember were definitely not from Sebastian's, were they from the past? The splash of water at his hand made him swear. He hadn't realized that he had left the sink running when he was grabbing a glass of water. Forgetting to removing the water plug, there was now water on the kitchen counter. 

His grimaced at the mess, walking to the side to grab a towel from the oven. He gasped in surprised when a flicker of fire went up in the oven.  _What was going on?_ Feeling a pair of eyes watching him he slowly turned around to face the window above the sink. For a moment he thought he caught a sight of a dog or cat. 

He looked back up in the darkness ebbing on the stairs, hoping his movements didn't wake up the man. Sebastian could have a temper when he was in the mood and he didn't really think he could handle him right now. Biting his lower lip, he shuffled to the front door looking for the knob - it was just one tiny peek. After all they had recently moved so there shouldn't be that great of a chance for them to be located. 

What if it was a cat? The poor thing would freeze out there. Tugging the door open, he gasped at the chill crawling in the house. Poking his head out, his hands were met with a wetness falling down. 

"Snowflake?" He marveled at it. He had forgotten how ticklish it felt. 

Enraptured by the wilderness ahead, he didn't remember his shoes, not feeling the snow underneath his bare feet. Dragging his feet one by one, the snow melted against his feet and he pulled his arms closer, coughing at the biting wind. Lost in a trance, he knew he just wanted to feel the outside for a moment, and thoughts of the mysterious animal erased itself from his mind. 

Walking far enough, he stood back to look at the house. Shaking his head in confusion he didn't understand. It looked familiar. 

"Ragnor?" He spoke up, blinking again in confusion he didn't understand where that name came from. 

For the first time in awhile he felt alive and he sat down on the snow now feeling warm. A light dust of snow piled itself on his head and eyelashes. How was it that winter felt warmer then being with Sebastian? It would have been nice to sleep outside for a moment. His eyes coming to a close, maybe he spent a lot of time outside then at home? He didn't know. 

"Alexander?" The wind whirled. 

 

He couldn't find it in himself to open his eyes and he hummed something as a yes. 

"Is that you?" The voice shook. "Oh darling, what happened?" 

That word. 

Alexander shot up in fear, only to fall back from the numbness. His body wasn't responding, finding itself locked by the cold. He whimpered looking at the foreign man whose eyes were widen in shock. Crawling backwards in the snow, he could only use his arms to shuffle away from the stranger. Groaning in pain he felt the sharp tick in his wrist surface from his earlier activities. 

"Alexander?" The male held up his hands as if approaching a wounded animal. "It's me, it's Magnus." 

"Magnus Bane?" He whispered in fear, looking at the eyes he had mistaken for an animal. He regretted coming outside - Sebastian was right, he should have stayed inside. Stupid. Stupid. He didn't want to go back being someone's mindless slave. Or a warlock's pet. 

Mustering his voice, the warlock stepped back in surprise, "SEBASTIAN!" 

"W-what are you doing?" Magnus looked confused and surprised at the same time, he turned around to face the house. Slowly putting his thoughts together he began to connect the dots. 

Sniffling, he wanted nothing more than to be back in the bed. There was no way Sebastian would hear him in this weather. 

Magnus was torn, he wanted to go in the house and burn the man alive but now that he met Alec he felt his mission waver. He wanted nothing more then to bring him home. The call for revenge was screaming was so close. He wasn't blind he saw the wrist and neck marks, all of which channeled to his anger growing.  _Think Magnus_. Sighing a deep breath, he scooped up Alec who was struggling against his hold. 

"Let me go!" 

"Relax Alexander." Frowning Magnus opened a portal. A wave of his hand and Alec dropped to a still sleep in his arms. He couldn't have the man portaling distressed, it would cause them to be in limbo. 

 


	8. Chapter Eight

Catarina grimaced feeling the pulse on the boy. It was faint but it was there. They had managed to warm him up enough so now he was breathing slowly and she was assessing the damage done. The physical ones were obvious and Magnus quickly removed them, he didn't want Alexander to wake up with them. She glanced at the warlock seated on the side of the bed. He was attentive but it looked like he was thinking of something else. They were the only ones who knew Alexander was alive but things weren't adding up.

Why was Jace's parabatai rune gone if Alec was alive?

Understandably they couldn't track him because of Ragnor's house?

Than speaking of which how did Sebastian get access to it in the first place?

"Should I even ask how you managed to find him?" Catarina snorted. "I take it that you'll take your title of High Warlock back now, thanks." 

Magnus's eyes didn't leave the boy. "No." 

"No?" Catarina snapped. "Magnus you can't just up and go, Alec needs you more than ever. _We need you_."

"And that is exactly why I can't go back to being High Warlock." Reaching out he placed on hand on Alexander's. "I left him and now that he's back, I can't put him in that sort of danger again." 

The female warlock was at her ends wits, she loved her dear friend very much but sometimes he had tunnel vision, "Taking your position back wouldn't mean losing him. The Lightwood boy, if I know anything about him, would never let you do that." 

"He's not here." Magnus said softly, unsure. "He's here but he's not. You didn't see the way he looked at me Cat." 

Sighing, she slowly packed her things. "I'm going to head back home to see if I can find out more about this demon, but it should've exited his body when he..." she paused. "It shouldn't be in him anymore, but I felt a concussion when I scanned him. You'll just have to trust that his mind is stronger than you think." 

"Wait." Magnus looked away for a moment. "Don't tell them yet. I want to talk to Alexander first." 

Her tongue clucked, Catarina sighed. "Just be careful Magnus." 

******

_"Alec!" A small boy stared at him._

_He frowned. "Do I know you?"_

_"Should you?"  The little one peered with curiosity. "Do you want to?"_

_"Who are you?" Shaking his head, he reached out to grab the boy's hand. "Are you lost?"_

_"No." The eyes looked sad. "No. I'm where I should be. You've changed, are you happy?"_

_The little boy sat down cross-legged and Alec felt the need to do the same. They were in an empty white room with nothing. He looked around him, there were no doors or windows, just pure white light around them._

_"I have nothing to compare it to." Finally answering. "If you were me would you be happy?"_

_The boy nodded as if understanding Alec's tangled thoughts. "You know what happiness is when you've encounter the worst loss possible."_

_"You're a smart kid." Alec chuckled softly._

_"Izzy calls it being sassy."_

_"Izzy?"_

_"My sister."_

_"Oh, that's nice." Alexander smiled. "I have family too."_

_"Who?"_

_"His name is Sebastian."_

_The white room dimmed and the boy began to look upset. "I don't like him."_

_Startled, Alexander reached to pat the boy on the head. "I'm sorry?"_

_"He's not...."_

_"What did you say?"_

_Alec's vision began to fog up. The rays of light that had initially entered the room now began to fade. It was like he was underwater and his ears were clogged. The little boy looked at him as if pitying and got up and left. Alexander tried to stand up and follow him but his legs were locked._

******

"SEBASTIAN!" Alec shot up from his bed, looking around frantically. 

His gaze caught sight of the warlock he had saw, and he panicked. He reached for the sharpest object he could find, it happened to be a letter opener on the night stand. There was no way he was going to go down without a fight. 

A look of hurt passed his glowing eyes.  _No, no he wasn't going to fall for that_. "Get away from me."

Again the man raised his hands as if he were approaching a wounded animal. "I'm not going to hurt you."

"You're Magnus Bane aren't you?" Alec growled. "Sebastian told me about you." 

The air in the room changed, and Alec dropped the letter opener from the tension suffocating the room. "That fucking bastard." He relaxed and dropped to his knees to pull Alec in. "Breathe, Alexander breathe. I'm so sorry." 

"I said don't touch me." Alec shoved Magnus away, curling into a ball against the wall. He wanted to go back to Sebastian. He hated being here, being in a place he didn't recognize. Life with Sebastian in the past months weren't terrible.

"Stop, Alexander!" Magnus flicked his hand and a magic bond held his hands down by his sides. 

Alexander looked up in fear. Magnus sighed. "Let me heal you." Blue sparks lined his arms new with red scratch marks from his nails. Looking back up in caution he felt a small tingle, he hadn't notice how tightly he had grabbed onto himself. His head leaned back, hoping the wall would break. 

His head fell down and the itchy marks faded. Magnus sat leaning ungracefully against the bed, looking at Alexander. He didn't know what to do either. His hands wanted so badly to mend the boy, pulling him into a hug but Alec looked like his touch burned him. 

Thoughts spiraled, and he doubted whether or not they could ever go back to normal. 

"I love you." Great Magnus way to start slow. 

Alec lifted his gazed away from the ground, hands still bound to the floor. It seemed like everyone was so willing to declare their love for him but he had become numb to it. Whoever, they said they loved wasn't here anymore. That old Alexander was gone. 

At least Sebastian understood that. He accepted that and in the messed up time together, Alec felt free to come undone. Or somewhat. But here it was as if the man who had violated him wanted him to come running back. For what purpose? 

He wanted to test the limits. "Then let me go back to Sebastian." He willed the confidence to stare at Magnus. 

"NO!" Magnus shouted, reaching to grab onto Alec's shoulder. It was like he was going to slip from his hands again. "Alexander, I don't know what he told you but it's not true. He was the one who killed you." 

_Actually._

_Sebastian wasn't the one to push him away._ A nagging voice repeated in Magnus's thoughts. 

So focused on grabbing Alec, Magnus had just begun to realize that he was shaking in fear, his eyes glazed over. A tiny whimper came out, and Alexander shut his eyes willing the pain away. 

"S-sorry." Gently releasing his hands Magnus looked away ashamed. He tried to find a way to defuse the situation. "Why do you want to go back to him anyways?" 

Alec now regaining control of his wrist, had started to rub the numbness anyway. "I love him." 

 _Shit._ Magnus's chest tightened and he wanted nothing more then to hurl. "You seemed content being outside the house while he was fast asleep. That's not the sign of someone who loves another." He snapped back. 

Magnus immedately regretted his anger retort. Alec went deafly silent. 

"You should have never taken me away." Alec blankly stated. 

"Why?" 

"He doesn't like it." 

 _Are you hearing yourself right now?_ Magnus shot down another wave of anger. He knew it wasn't Alec's fault, and hell he wasn't a trained psychologist. 

"Your home is here." 

"He's going to be lonely." A curtain of tiredness caught up with Alec. 

_Fuck him, when I'm through he'll deeper in Edom then he can claw out._

Alec's face looked a little flushed, and Magnus held onto him carrying him back to the bed. His fever was surfacing and all that derlium he was holding in was cracking through. There was minimal protest. 

"He doesn't deserve to be alone." Alec's eyes watered. 

Magnus found himself choking back an after thought, "Me neither."


	9. Chapter Nine

"What should we do?" Jace grimaced after hearing the updates from Magnus. "Alec doesn't know who we are and whatever lies Sebastian fed him seemed to have worked, especially if he's not okay being around you."

"He's was more than not okay around me." Magnus spoke, staring off yonder. "He had this look of utter fear."

"Do we just lock him up till we find a way to undo this?" Jace pushed, getting heated glares from Izzy and Magnus. "What I'm just saying, we can't have him running back to that shithead."

"Any more brilliant idea in that head of yours?" Magnus shot back, receiving Jace's growl.

"Shut up the both of you." Izzy snapped back. "We need to test this out. We've been guessing how he's been reacting to us based off of Magnus' encounter. How about I go see him first and see if he'll open up to me."

"Fine." Jace snorted and Magnus waved his wrist.

She pinched her nose in irritation. The both of them loved Alec very much and that was not to be contested but their anger got the best of them. Alec was not the type to read between the lines, he wore his heart on his sleeve so when that cuff was torn it was painful to sew back together. Yet here Izzy was trying to pull everyone's egos together. 

"Alec?" The soft echo had no response and she gently pushed the door open. 

Her worried gazed met with a pair of eyes she had often looked at and found love reflecting back, but now there was this hollow emptiness that guarded the blue eyes. He looked up at his visitor and looked away. She glanced at the tray of untouched food on his table bedside. 

"This is your favourite..." Her voice trailed off, carefully approaching him. "Did you want us to get you something else?"

No response, just his head hanging down low. 

"Alec." Pausing and sitting at the edge of the bed. "I know you don't remember me, but I'm Izzy your sister. You've been gone for weeks now...we thought you were dead." 

Again no response, Alec had tuned off. He was no longer listening to his 'sister' ramble on about how sorry she was for not being there and that everyone was worried that he wasn't eating. Instead he wonder how many days had passed since he was here, it couldn't have been more than a week. But it seemed like the days were just blending into each other. They fed him and he had access to the washroom from his room. People had come in and out to run some magical testing on him or something and he laid there like a limp doll. 

"I-I want to try to draw a rune on you and see what will happen."

That caught his attention, and he saw an instrument that only Sebastian had access to. His eyes glowed with curiosity when he saw Sebastian light up his runes when he went outside to make sure security was tight. From what Sebastian had told him, Alec couldn't carry runes on his body anymore because he was resurrected. Any markings left on him would burn and disfigure him if he ever tried. It wasn't like Alec had remembered what it was like having runes so he didn't care to investigate further. 

"I don't want any." Breaking the silence, Izzy looked rather somber. 

"Why?" 

"It'll kill me." Alec's voice cracked from not being used so long. "Sebastian said it will kill me." 

Izzy's face ashen. "He's wrong. Jace, you don't remember Jace but he was your parabatai, he came back to the living with all his runes. It won't harm you." 

Alec felt upset, but he wasn't sure what about. Perhaps it was the way she was so adamant about defying what he had known. "It will, I don't want it." 

In a voice filled with emotion Izzy sobbed. "Sebastian killed Max. I'm not letting him take you too." Grabbing onto Alec's wrist she quickly drew inside his forearm the rune for Heightened Speed, causing him to hiss after being caught off guard by her comment. 

He shut his eyes tightly worried that it would be the last breathe taken. That thought made him paused, why was he so concerned about it being the last breathe. When he was with his partner he had no qualms about laying his life down for the man. Snapping his eyes open, he could feel a set of hands on his cheeks with Izzy's eyes looking wearily at him. 

"It worked. Sebastian lied to you. You're still here." She spoken in short sentences, knowing how overwhelmed he was at the moment. "Alec you have to believe us when we say that we're on your side. Sebastian has just been using you and keeping you hostage -- whatever you feel for him isn't real." 

Tears prickled the corners of his eyes. She was wrong. She had to be. He needed to clear his thoughts and consider the next logical move. Okay, so it looks like perhaps Sebastian was just overly concerned. It was an oversight. He'd just have to pretend that he was going along with everything the people here were saying and when the opportunity presented he'd get back to where home was.

"I guess you were right." His voice came out unsure.  _Shit, that's not convincing_.   

It looked that his words did the trick because he found himself being enveloped into a tight hug. "I know you're having a hard time but we're going to get through this."   
  
_You wanted me dead_. "Thanks." 

"I'm going to call over Magnus and Jace." Breaking off the hug. "They'll help with applying the rest of your runes." 

She exited the room, leaving him with his thoughts. They all wanted him dead and they were just testing this out. Once he got his runes back, they'd make use of him if he didn't die. Alec was finding himself more tired as the time progressed, he was in a body that was foreign to him. It was as if everyone had a stake in his well being, but he didn't know what he wanted for himself. To be honest being catered to consistently was driving him a little nutty, especially when these people were supposedly friends but were forcing him against his will. 

He often found himself lost in his thoughts, ignoring what was happening on the periphery. So when Magnus held his hand and Jace began to draw the runes in he hadn't realized until the burning sensation on his skin hit. 

"Shhh, shhh darling, I'm going to try to take away some of the pain okay?" Magnus held his hand. Dark circles invaded his eyes and despite the makeup the Warlock's posture screamed weariness. 

"Don't call me that." Alec spat, gritting his teeth together. He didn't like how the warlock mimicked Sebastian's demeanor. He was just trying to get into Alec's head. 

A shot of pain crossed the other man's eyes and he held onto Alec's hand tighter. "Okay Alexander." 

By the time Jace finished drawing in the last rune, Alec felt as if he was going to pass out. He wouldn't give them the satisfaction though and he sat up straight. 

 _Get out and clear your head_. The voice trailed in Alec's after thoughts. 

Not realizing that he has spoke out loud, he saw Jace's face pale. Izzy's gasp came to a halt and her hands covered her mouth. Jace spoke hesitantly. "Did you remember something?"

Alec shifted his head away. "No." Words came to him now and than but he didn't want to dwell on them too much. Words that came to him out of context just caused his chest to hurt. He didn't know the background to them but he could feel the emotions of hurt crashing against his lungs when he did hear them. 

All of them sat in silence not knowing what to say. The peace didn't last too long as Magnus rose abruptly from his chair. "Isabelle go get Clary and Simon from the living room. We need to leave now." 

"What's going on?" Jace tugged on his blade, readying up. 

Magnus' exhaustion would have to wait, his voice tight with determination. "It's the Clave, they've broken into the wards I've set up. We have to get out of here now." 

"I got them." Izzy ushered the pair in. 

"Let's get out of here." Making quick work he opened the portal. Striding towards Alec, he avoided the blue eyes and reached in to scooped the man up in bridal style, but he paused. "Jace can you hold onto Alec." 

Alec's silent breathe came out, glad that the warlock was not touching him anymore. Jace allowed Alec to rest on his back. As they passed through the portal, the Parabatai leaned in to whisper softly to the struggling man. "I'm so sorry Alec, we'll be there soon and I'll let go of you, okay? The Clave will have your head. You don't have to trust us but trust that  _they_ will bring you more harm than us." 

Alexander's body stilled, somehow finding the words truthful. He deliberately ignored the sad stares everyone had directed towards Magnus. Fingers tight on the shoulders of the blonde, he shut his eyes as he found himself portaling through to the unknown.  


End file.
